| Bum-De-Bum-Bum! |
[Feb. 27th, 2005|11:15 am] |
| [ | This Is How My Eyes Feel. |
| |  sick | ] |
| [ | Pretty Music |
| | Nadda | ] |
I feel sick, I do!! I don't like it! My tummy hurts, my throat is sore, and my heads all yucky feeling. I want soup, I wish someone would make me some soup. I need some hugs and maybe a kiss too. Well, can't always get what you want. =[
Okay, well I'm going to go find something for Alex and I to do today. |
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| Are you postive? Absolutely sure? Just get dressed don't do this. |
[Feb. 23rd, 2005|08:55 pm] |
Well, what do I say? I hate this, never knowing. I want the words to come out easier.
Hm, my weekend was pretty good I guess. Even though it's now Wednesday, it feels like Tuesday since there wasn't any school on Monday.
I guess I'll tell you about the weekend then. Sound good?
Friday:
I sat around for most of the day, taking pictures, doing my hair and make-up, taking extra time to make sure I looked pretty. I was having a lot of trouble getting online so that wasn't an option. I'm really growing sick of AOL and dial-up. I need to get a better connection, and maybe not go on AOL as much. =[. Sharon came and picked me up around 5:30 and we headed for my Grandmas house. When I got there my Grandma gave me hugs and kisses and told me she missed me and did all those things that they usually do. After that she went back to cooking and such things as that. After a little while we ate, Potoes, Roast Beef, Corn, and gravy. MMM!! It was good I must say! After that I opened the gifts from Christmas that I never got since I hadn't seen my dads side of the family. We hung around for a little while longer, had some cake then Sharon and I headed back for her house.
Her house is so cute!! I love it, it's perfect for her and Jeff. I hope one day I can lay down in my own room with Alex, in a house we can say is ours. I crave that so much.
Saturday:
Sharon woke me up at 9:00 which hurt, I hate getting up early. Gives me a headache. =[
We ate breakfast which consisted of sausage and homemade waffles then waited for my Grandma to arrive. When she did we left for New Hope.
New Hope was fun. I didn't buy anything, but I saw a pearl necklace that I fell in love with! I love pearls.
After New Hope my Grandma, Sharon, and I went to my Aunt's house in Pennsylvania. We hung around and had dinner and saw the lake by her house which I took pictures of.
We left and thats it end of night. Whoop Whoop.
Sunday:
Sharon woke me up at 9:00 again so I could take a shower and get taken home and then to MY Alex's.
When I got to Alex's we hung out for a bit then decided to go and get something to eat. So we walked to the pizza place by him and got something for ourselves.
On our way back it started to snow. Which was cool. It didn't snow much though.
While we were walking Alex's friend KC saw us and picked us up, so we hung out with them for a while then went back to Alex's till I had to go home. =[
Monday:
I went to the mall with Alex. Walked around a bit. Hung out in Barnes & Noble. Then went back to his house and hung out till 9:00 and went home.
Well..I have midterms tomorrow and I just remembered!! So I must go and study!!
I'll write another time, another day.
[[I'll post pictures tomorrow]]
+Brandi |
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| Urg |
[Feb. 18th, 2005|01:14 am] |
| [ | This Is How My Eyes Feel. |
| |  melancholy | ] |
I miss Alex. I want him to come home. I want to give him hugs and kisses and tell him I love him. I wish I could make him happier. Hopefully he gets out tomorrow. Then I'll be happy.
I won't be home Friday night, Saturday, and most likely Sunday. I should be home sometime Sunday night. So if anyone tries looking for me. I'm out.
My head hurts and I'm tired. So I think I'm going to lay down, and maybe sleep.
I doubt anyone reads these anyway.
-me |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 13th, 2005|02:50 am] |
| [ | This Is How My Eyes Feel. |
| |  giggly | ] |
| [ | Pretty Music |
| | From First To Last | ] |
I never know how to properly start an entry. I'm so awful at it, it's quite sad.
Well, Alex took me out for our early Valentines Day, since we probably aren't going to see each other on Monday. I met him outside Barnes & Noble around 4:30 and we went and found out how long the wait at the Cheesecake Factory and left our name. We had about an hour to spare so we went back to his house and hung out for a bit, before going back to the resturant. We still had about 45 minutes so we walked around and got a smoothie to share and waited outside the resturant till we were called.
Dinner was awesome, food was good, and Alex made me feel so loved. I heart him overly much I think.
Well, after dinner Alex's friend Colleen picked us up and we went back to his friend KC's house because it was Petes birthday. We hung around there for awhile and watched 'Saw' which was pretty good. After that we sang 'Happy Birthday' to Pete and then Colleen brought us back to Alex's.
Alex and I stayed at his house until about 12:15 then he brought me home.
All in all today was a very good day. I don't know where I would be without him, he makes me so happy. =]
Well..I hate writing long entrys now..No one really wants to read all my silly talking. |
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| Wanna make me scream!! |
[Feb. 12th, 2005|01:51 am] |
| [ | This Is How My Eyes Feel. |
| |  awake | ] |
| [ | Pretty Music |
| | nothing | ] |
Well..this is going to be short..and sweet.
Went to Alex's today [after school] . he's thinking about dropping out, I really hope he changes his mind =\.It was fun though..and I should be seeing him tomorrow, we're going out to eat for our early Valentines Day <3 I heart him..<33
Hmm..well..I'm off..<3 |
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| O yay!! |
[Feb. 9th, 2005|05:29 pm] |
| [ | This Is How My Eyes Feel. |
| |  naughty | ] |
| [ | Pretty Music |
| | Something Corporate | ] |
Look at me! I'm putting up an entry! Clap! Dance! Love me!
Well, I'm happy now, I am! I'm so happy I can scream and dance and love everything!! Well, no, I'm not that happy, but I'm in love, so that makes me so glad to not have done anything stupid in the past. I finally have the ONE, the one who will make me smile when I'm sad, the one who will make me cry when they have to go away for a short time. I have the second peice to my heart, the one person who will make me feel like I'm the most important person to them. Alex, if you were wondering his pretty name. And well, he's canadian, proving my theory that all canadian are amazing, and I was right, I knew I would fall in love with one. It's as if their a different kind of human, perfect in every way shape and form, I love him, and he loves me.
Well, besides all that mooshiness, I'm ok. I miss my sister, I miss Jamie, I do. A lot! I cry when I think about her and feel bad when I don't. I need her in my life again. Urg. Ok, off that.
Now, hmm, nothing new, at all! Besides Alex, theres not much. I don't even want to finish this. I just want to clean up this messy room. I'll post some pictures of the messiness.
MESSSS
Yea..I heart him.. |
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| ..wait..what..the song that drove me insane!??!! |
[Dec. 7th, 2004|10:12 pm] |
| [ | This Is How My Eyes Feel. |
| |  chipper | ] |
| [ | Pretty Music |
| | my own voice woo hoo!! | ] |
Hello People, I know it has been a long time since I have written an entry. I'm deeply sorry for the delay just everything has been so hectic! Between having to go my after school program and all the work I have to try and keep up with at school, it’s a tad overwhelming. But I thought I would take a little while out of my busy schedule to sit down and write a real entry which hasn’t been done in ages! Well, I don’t exactly know where to start so I’ll skip everything that’s been happening and start off with today.
The power kept going on and off this morning, which I was dead sure was a result of someone not paying a bill, but at school I over heard a girl talking about how her power was going on and off, so maybe it wasn’t just us. I’m still sick for those that know so getting up and going to school is quite the task these days. My program isn’t helping either, I go to school, get picked up and go to my program till 5:30 and get home at 6:30. That doesn’t give me much time for homework, dinner, a shower, and a little time to sit down and relax and maybe talk to a few people online, or update my journals. Half the time I’m online I hardly talk to anyone because I need to sit here and do my homework. I hate this, I like when I have time to do everything. I guess in a way it is good, its teaching me how to juggle a bunch of things at one time and still get what I need to done.
Today was a good day though; I didn’t get upset or anything!! Hooray for me!! Besides being sick I was happy for a very good portion of the day. So yea, I’m very happy for myself which doesn’t occur often.
Well anyway, my aunt Lori is supposed to be bringing me to go get a camera this weekend which will be awesome!! Now I can take my own pictures and not have to wait to get a hold of a friend’s camera. It should make my life a lot easier. And now I will be able to make the album I’ve wanted to for so long. I was thinking I should buy a picture program, so I can do cool affects on my pictures and stuff.
Well I hate the fact I’m out of things to write and I really thought this entry would be a good one, but I guess you should just enjoy this. |
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| So..do YOU wanna fuck on the dance floor???!!!! |
[Dec. 7th, 2004|07:30 am] |
| [ | This Is How My Eyes Feel. |
| |  sleepy | ] |
| [ | Pretty Music |
| | Finch | ] |
I will be REALLY updating this later..like a REAL entry!!!! Whoa!!!! It's amazing ain't it?!!! Okay, well yea..see you later whores |
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| Yea me and Nikki are gods.. |
[Nov. 27th, 2004|04:07 pm] |
| [ | This Is How My Eyes Feel. |
| |  bouncy | ] |
| [ | Pretty Music |
| | The Used | ] |
I'm the reall Mr. Bigelsworth and Nikki is half Avril half Snoop doggy dogg!!!!!!!!!!! And don't you forget it!!! |
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| Happy Birthday to Me... |
[Nov. 24th, 2004|10:08 pm] |
| [ | This Is How My Eyes Feel. |
| |  loved | ] |
Well, today was my birthday, I'm now 14 and I still don't feel any older, all I know is that I'm growing closer and closer to being non-jail bait and I love it.
For my lovely birthday I first went to school, and we had a half day so it went by quickly except the fact I didnt have anything to eat and I was quite hungry. By the time I got out it was raining and I had to stand outside in the cold until my mom got there. When I got home the guy who drives me to my out patient service was there and I had to leave so I didn't get to eat anything. I went through the stupid group thing, then finally it was time to go. My mom picked me up and we stopped at McDonalds because I was starving! Then we headed off to the movies to see "Alexander". We got there and we were about 1 minutes late but whatever, we didn't miss anything. Then movie was good but a little confusing. Angelina was beautiful as always but they made her look old at the end which made me and my mom a little upset, hehe.
Well..happy birthday to me..and tomorrows thanksgiving which should be interesting. |
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| ..Wait you aren't going to stick that in there are you?! |
[Nov. 10th, 2004|09:45 pm] |
| [ | This Is How My Eyes Feel. |
| | depressed | ] |
| [ | Pretty Music |
| | From First To Last | ] |
Well, turns out that I shall be going into a hospital tomorrow. I'm not exactly sure on how long or what's going to happen. I know one thing though, it isn't going to be fun, unfortuantly. Today I threatened to cut again which sent everyone into a frenzy, funny how they suddenly pay attention when you finally flip. So after I got to school I went straight to guidance and told her that I was thinking about going back to bad habits and she talked to me for a little while which helped. We went to my first few classes and got my work then went back to the guidance office and sat down and tried to get some work done. After a little while she called me back in and we sat down and talked for a little while before she called my mom and told her to come in and pick me up. They pretty much won't let me back in school until I have seen some professional help. So my mom came in and we talked with my counselor for a few minutes then the counselor talked to her privatly and after she was done we left. We stopped to get a bite to eat because I was hungry and we weren't sure when the next time either of us was going to eat anything. We went over to the bars so my mom could help my nana finish up cleaning. Sarah was there and she wanted to go back to the hotel with my mom, so she did. My mom dropped me off at TJ's to get my things packed because she wasn't sure if they were going to keep me at wherever I was being taken. So I got in and the first thing I did was call Pat, I had to tell him before anyone and he was home from school which made it a lot easier. I cried to him, which I feel bad for, I hate crying to him, I complain to much to him already. But anyways, he made me feel a little better and told me that he would still be there for me whenever I got back out which comforted me. I love him, and I really think he loves me, he's proven himself to me.
When I got to the hopital we had to wait for a little bit then we got called in and they checked my blood pressure and asked the usual questions that they ask. Then we were brought back to the psych. unit and we were told to wait in this room. We waited back there for a while then a woman came back and brought me into a room alone and asked me some questions then talked to my dad, mom, and I for a minute. After that another guy came and talked to me, I hated him, he pissed me off and I didn't want to talk so I pretty much sat and stared at a wall, which only made him ask me the same question over and over until I finally just said "I don't know". Then he brought me a pen and paper and told me to write down what the "Problem" with me was, what my "Wishes" were, and what my "Plan" should be. So I wrote one word answers for each and then gave it back to them. After sitting and waiting for a little bit someone brought the paper back and told me I had to write more or I was going to have to talk to him, which I didn't want to do. I filled more out and gave it back to them just to make them happy.
After a little time passed a guy came back to take blood from me. He tried two times to get my vein each time but he couldn't hit it so a girl came back and tried in my arm which didn't work it just made blood gush out everywhere, so the nurse had to take blood from my hand which I must say still hurts!!!
After we waited around for more then 8 hours today I'm not going to be admitted into a hospital until tomorrow, so this will probably be my last entry until I get out of the place.
I will talk to you all when I'm out..
xoxo-the now mental patient hehe |
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| ..I think I'm stirring this wrong.. |
[Nov. 7th, 2004|11:29 am] |
| [ | This Is How My Eyes Feel. |
| |  excited | ] |
| [ | Pretty Music |
| | The Used | ] |
Hello Fans, Have you missed me? I’m not sure when the last time I edited was, I think it was Wednesday.
Well, I slept at Ashley’s house with Gina on Thursday night, which was fun. We goofed around a lot. The best thing was when Gina and I were hungry so we were as quiet as possible and went down to get something to eat then 5 minutes later Ashley gets up to get food and makes the biggest amount of noise.
When I woke up on Friday my mom came to pick me up at Ashley’s and we ran over to Boston Market, which I hate, to get something to eat. After that my mom had to run over to Cheri’s work to get my concert tickets out of her truck so she dropped me off back at TJ’s so I could take a shower and do all those fun things. She didn’t take as long as I thought she would and I ended up having to get dressed really fast and jump in the car to go to Erica’s. When I got to my lovely’s house she finished her make-up while I did mine then we went and took some pictures as usual, which I’ll try to get up on here at some point and time.
After all that, Erica’s mom came home and took us over to pick Alex up and go to the mall. When we got there we soon realized that it wasn’t going to be that great of mall-ing considering there was no one there! None of us had ever seen the mall so cleared out on a Friday night it was crazy. After a while we found Tina and hung out with her and Lindsey then soon after that her boyfriend, Rob joined. We all hung around and then started hanging out with this kid Mike whom Erica and I always thought was quite pleasant to look at. Damn, that boy likes to give and receive hugs! He said he was bi, which left Erica the only straight one, hehe. Erica let Mike bite her, which left a pretty little mark, and it was actually kind of nasty at first. After awhile these kids from M.E.M.S were fucking with Tina and I so Mike said he would go after them. So we went up the escalator, considering they were saying shit to us from the upper level. So as soon as we got up there they ran into the boys bathroom. I chased after them but I never actually got into the bathroom I just kind of got outside of it and then the stupid fucking rent-a-cop had to come over and kick us out. We all had to leave unless we wanted to get kicked out till new years. When we got outside there was a bunch of cops running back into the mall because there was a fight, which we missed thanks to getting kicked out for next to no reason! Mike wanted to see what happened so he ran back inside and he never came back out. I hope he found somewhere to stay for a little while because he was homeless. I called Alex up and told him that Erica, Tina, Lindsey, Rob, Mike, and I got kicked out of the mall and we had to go over to Dick’s or the movies. So he came outside and we all starting walking to Dick’s. The whole way pretty much Rob was pissing me off so I was hitting him. At some point he kicked me in my ass really hard and I’m shocked I was able to walk after that! When we arrived at Dick’s he called me a Cunt and hit my stomach so I punched him in the face, which I later found out bent, his fake teeth back and busted his lip open. With that one swing I let out a lot of the anger I had built up inside. It felt good to hit him and hear that crack. I even enjoyed seeing him spitting out blood as I walked into Dick’s to get away from him.
I’m guessing everyone knows that Tina is the biggest fucking bitch right? Yeah, well she proved it by getting mad at me for defending myself against her boyfriend! She’s really fucking stupid she picks her sleazy boyfriend who will probably dump her ass by the end of the month, then me, her friend. Note to Tina, just because some asshole eats you out and says he loves you doesn’t mean you have to fucking take his side against someone you called a friend. You’re pathetic.
Ok, anyways, Pat picked up Erica, Alex, Mike (a different one then I was talking about before) and I and we went back to Pats. We hung around there for a little bit then we all went over to Alex’s to watch Van Helsing, which never got finished. Erica had to leave first then Mike. After a little while Pat and I left to go back to his house.
At Pat’s we hung out for a while then finally went to sleep after watching Shrek 2. Yea, um go away.
Hmm, I was supposed to go to Erica’s last night but I stayed over Pat’s again, which was fun.
So now I should be going Erica’s later for the concert. –jumps for joy-
Hearts,
Me
I CAN'T WAIT TILL MY CONCERT TONIGHT!! WOOO HOOOO |
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| ..Do You Suck Male Penis?.. |
[Nov. 3rd, 2004|08:57 pm] |
| [ | This Is How My Eyes Feel. |
| |  bitchy | ] |
| [ | Pretty Music |
| | Take It Away-The Used | ] |
I don’t want to write today. I can’t, and I won’t. I’ll just tell you that I went shopping with my mom, Cheri, and Sarah and it wasn’t anything of what I expected. So I’m quite miserable. |
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| ....but im a dancer at best..... |
[Nov. 1st, 2004|10:05 pm] |
| [ | This Is How My Eyes Feel. |
| |  dorky | ] |
| [ | Pretty Music |
| | From First To Last | ] |
Ok hell has officially frozen over! I think I have friends at school now, I sat with Gina, Ashley, and Vicky at lunch and I think their my friends now. That made my day worth it, and I guess everyone was right things would get better,
Well I’m off of school tomorrow, Thursday, and Friday. They really should give us Wednesday off but whatever.
Ok I would like to talk about something that is making my stomach turn. I really hope and pray that everyone who can vote will, and I hope they will make the right choice. If I could vote I don’t know who I would pick. With either candidate we are pretty much screwed. I tried to imagine what it would be like with Bush again and then I tried to imagine what it would be like with Kerry. It was awful with Bush so a second term probably will be also, and Kerry is just an idiot. Its kind of scary that after tomorrow our new president will be chosen.
Ok other then that I don’t exactly know what to write tonight, I’m so blank, I can’t think of anything. Ok, well I must go now. Good-Bye.
…Kiss The Blade… |
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| I'm so worthless |
[Oct. 31st, 2004|11:07 pm] |
| [ | This Is How My Eyes Feel. |
| | crushed | ] |
This weekend had such potential of being great, it really did. First of all Jenna’s party was supposed to be fun, which it wasn’t (see last entry). Pat’s house was fun, but like all events that I receive enjoyment from it had to end at some point.
After I left Pat’s I went to Erica’s, which was short lived. As soon as I arrived we had to leave to go to Michelle’s after party for her botmitzva, or however you spell that word, we arrived and were complete outcasts just like Jenna’s party. So we went upstairs and grabbed something to eat. We decided we might as well go back o the basement and deal with being outcasts, so we hung around down there and then Lauren showed up and invited us to her house. We had nothing else to do so we went.
I wanted to listen to From First to Last because they are really very talented and Pat likes them so that’s a shocker. So Erica and I went on their site and watched their video, there are no words to explain how beautiful those boys are. Wow, ok I don’t think I should talk about that anymore.
Well today I don’t really want to talk about considering I didn’t get to go to the concert. I had fun with Erica and her peoples though.
Ok well I’m going to bed because I’m afraid of what I’m capable of. |
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| STOP CHEWING ON MY SHIT! |
[Oct. 30th, 2004|06:43 pm] |
| [ | This Is How My Eyes Feel. |
| | horny | ] |
| [ | Pretty Music |
| | Some stupid person that Pat likes. | ] |
My dreams didn’t come true school was just as bad as Friday as it was on Thursday. I sat in the office for lunch due to no one asking/wanting me to sit with them. But what can I do? Nothing, I can’t do anything about it. The people in the office said I can’t sit in there on Monday. The lady in the office was very nice to me though she brought me some 7 up and some pretzels, which made me, feel sick for some reason, or maybe it was nerves. After school Pete, Ernie, and Cheri picked me up and we dropped Cheri off at the hotel so she could go get ready for some wedding she had to go to I think. Pete felt sick because he hadn’t eaten all day, so Ernie, Pete, and I stopped at some place that had really good sandwiches. I ordered a chicken sandwich with mayo, lettuce, and ketchup, yummy, and of course a black cherry soda. After we ate I packed half of my food up for Erica and we left. On the way to Erica’s we stopped off at my old house because my mom was there cleaning out the last of our stuff. I had to pick up my costume and clothes for the weekend. I said hi to my nana and my mom and Ernie, Pete, and I were off again. They dropped me off at Erica’s and I gave her half my sandwich, which she enjoyed very much considering the short time that she consumed it in. We talked for a little while and watched some TV. Bowling For Soup was on nickelodeon, which is both sad and very unsurprising. They had to change half the words to their song because they on a children’s network, they changed, Prozac to Work out, Shake her ass to Shake it right, and they changed Get a hand on to Hold a hand. It was rather amusing and stupid. I’m sorry Erica BFS is rocks, hehe. Anyways after that torture I called Pat and he came over. Erica and I had to get dressed for the party so Pat hung out with Meri, Erica’s older sister. I hated the costume that I bought which was supposed to be a gothic raggedy Ann but it looked cooler on the package then on my actual body. So I had to edit the costume a little bit. I ended up cutting it to short and it still looked awful. So Erica decided we should cut some of the top and then safety pin it to add some kind of design. When we ran out of ideas on how to edit it I turned out looking like a dead prostitute –shakes head-. It looked awful!! I learned my lesson though from now one I will ONLY get costumes I like! We did our make-up and hair then took some pictures. In the end I kind of looked like Edward Scissor hands dead prostitute wife.
We arrived at the party fashionably late because we are so cool. Turns out the party became a total waste of time. The girl Jenna, who threw the party, told Erica she couldn’t invite any more people since she had invited 4 other people. But when we arrived we found out that this kid Eric invited half the damn school (all the popular whores and wiggers). The whole time Erica, Pat, Sam, Sam’s friend, and I were the outcasts. No one talked to us, but I did get called a slut and a freak a few times. After awhile I was contemplating beating the shit out of a few assholes that wouldn’t leave me alone. Damn anger, need to learn to control that better. I started to make evil cat noises at some of the assholes and hissing at them. Soon enough Sam and her friend couldn’t take the boredom anymore so they left. Erica, Pat, and I decided to leave soon after. We didn’t even tell Jenna we were leaving we pretty much just got up and started walking back to Erica’s house. On the way their Tina and Lindsey pulled up in Tina’s moms car and we told them to come back to Erica’s with us. We all piled on the car, Lindsey on Tina’s lap, Erica on mine, and Pat squishes against the window. When we got to the house it was locked so Erica had to go and open it for us. We all went straight to the kitchen looking for something to eat, forgetting it was Erica’s house and they don’t ever have food. So we went downstairs. Erica went on the computer, Tina sat next to her, and Lindsey well she did her own thing; we’ll talk about that shortly. Pat and I found a far away couch that I didn’t even know was in her basement! So anyways, we made ourselves comfortable over there. Soon enough I was up and pushing Lindsey on a Barbie car. That didn’t work right so I put her in a suitcase and pushed her around in that. We were acting so crazy because there was no one home to yell at us. Yay! Lindsey wanted to get drunk so she called her friend who was going to get us some alcohol but Pat and Erica would have gotten mad at us all. Erica can’t drink because of her medication and Pat just didn’t want me to get drunk for some reason. I guess he was just being a good boyfriend, doesn’t really bother me though it wasn’t that important. Lindsey didn’t know what to do after that so she decided to take off all her clothes besides her thong. Yes, Lindsey was parading around the house naked. Pat hid himself under a pillow and Erica tried her best not to look. Yea, that was very unneeded. While Lindsey was dancing around like Bridget Jones I downloaded MSN for Erica and then went and lay down with Pat on the couch. Erica went and lay down on the other couch and Tina and Lindsey were doing something somewhere else. (NOTE: Lindsey is still naked at the time). While we were laying down Erica’s parents got home which threw Lindsey into a panic as she tried to get her clothes back on. Lucky for us all she was fully dressed in only a few seconds. We all went upstairs and Erica’s parents brought Pat and I back to his house. I was really tired when we got there and his mom had a place for me to sleep all setup, she’s so nice! Pat of course went straight to the computer. I hung around with him for a little while until finally we grew to tired and went to sleep.
This morning I woke up at 8ish I think, I’m not sure. My love didn’t wake up till 10:30 so I stayed downstairs until he woke up. When he woke up we watched TV with Nikki for a little while then went downstairs to watch more TV, alone. Umm, a little while later we went back upstairs and he went to take a shower and I asked Nikki if she wanted to go get breakfast with me, at 1 in the afternoon. She did so we walked to Jack Frost and got something to eat. I brought back some of the chicken fingers I didn’t finish for Pat which he didn’t want because he ate two hamburgers already –cough- pig. We watched half of The Outsiders then I went to see what Nikki wanted to show me, which was funny, it was some Salad Fingers thing.
Hmm, now Pat and I are sitting here and he’s counting my money. I’m leaving for Erica’s in a little while, I just called her and she’s sad and crying. I shall have to give her lots of hugs which she hates and pet her to make her feel loved.
Ok well I shall see you all later,
Love Edward Scissor hands dead prostitute wife..<3
P.S. I love my Pat this much -opens arms real big- and times that by a gazillion! |
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| ..I hate it and I want to hide in a closet and die.. |
[Oct. 28th, 2004|08:10 pm] |
| [ | This Is How My Eyes Feel. |
| | depressed | ] |
| [ | Pretty Music |
| | Billy Talent-Nothing to Lose | ] |
I hate it! I can’t stand it at all! Why did I have to move? Why? I don’t want to go back tomorrow or the next day or any other day! I’ve only been there one day and already I’m stuck in the middle of people. I guess I should explain.
One way I should have known that today was going to be downright awful was that I couldn’t fall asleep last night. I tossed and turned for a long time until finally I came on the computer and talked to Jordan for a little bit because he doesn’t sleep, or at least I don’t think he does. After that I tried to go back to sleep and didn’t fall asleep until about 3 in the morning. This gave me about 3 hours of sleep considering I got up at 6. I was in so much pain, everything hurt and my stomach was so sick with nerves. I tried to do my make-up nice and do my hair nice and all of that but it just seemed like nothing worked.
My mom drove me to the school and as we were walking in some kid screamed at me “Don’t I know you?” and I didn’t know him. So that got me all nervous, stupid things like that make me nervous I don’t know why.
My mom told them who I was and they gave me my schedule. When I got to my homeroom they assigned me a guide to help me around school. To start off my horrible day we had to watch this thing on the holocaust which always makes me upset. So after that I don’t remember everything that happened all I know is that I hate it.
All day all I hear from everyone was; Don’t talk to her. Don’t tell her this. Don’t hang out with them. She’s a lesbian so don’t talk to her.
So much stupid baby shit. All day I just kept staring at all the sharp things around me and wondering which one would cut the deepest. It hurts so bad not having anyone around to talk to. I wish just someone would want to be my friend and not care about who I am on the inside. I just kept feeling so many eyes burning tiny holes in my skin and it made me so angry. I wanted to ram my head into a wall or jam my pen into my wrist. I can’t stand it I don’t ever want to go back. I would rather go and deal with the rich snobs then live here.
I don’t know what else to say about my new school except its horrible and I never want to go back.
Argh! Fuck writing!!! I’m not in the mood.
All I can say is that this weekend better kick ass or I’m DONE!!
Love the unwanted one. |
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|
| ..Lost.. |
[Oct. 27th, 2004|02:08 pm] |
| [ | This Is How My Eyes Feel. |
| |  numb | ] |
| [ | Pretty Music |
| | None | ] |
..I feel so lost..Someone please help me find myself..I would love to know whats been missing for so long.. |
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|
| (no subject) |
[Oct. 27th, 2004|01:03 am] |
| [ | This Is How My Eyes Feel. |
| |  drained | ] |
| [ | Pretty Music |
| | nothing at the moment | ] |
I’m not so sure on where and how to start this entry, sort of like the rest of my entries. I’m never really sure how and it never really comes out the way it should but anyway, here it goes.
Since I’m not starting at my new school till Thursday I didn’t go to school to day which resulted in sleeping for most of the day. I hate when I do that, after I sleep for most or all of the day I usually wake up with aches and pains. Most people wake up from a long sleep feeling refreshed; I wake up and pretty much feel like shit. Anyways, Suzanne bought me a bagel with cream cheese from Dunkin Doughnuts and some fruit drink so I had something when I woke up. I slowly dragged myself off the blow up bed that I’ve been sleeping on at my dads, which I might add is extremely uncomfortable, and I slowly ate my bagel. After I was done I lay back down and watched some TV for a little while and thought about playing video games but my dad doesn’t have anything good so I gave up that idea. After getting bored of TV I went on the computer and fooled around on there for a little while. Nothing interesting happened for most of the day.
Around 3:30 I jumped in the shower and put my Head Automatica CD on as loud as it would go. I can’t take a shower correctly without music, it just doesn’t work. So anyways, I hope you all know what people do in the shower. And no Erica it wasn’t a “shower” it was a SHOWER. Hehe. After my wonderful shower that was so delightfully filled with my amazing music I got dressed in The Used shirt I have and some jeans. It’s kind of pissing me off that I only own a few outfits; I wish someone would take me shopping or something. I can’t get a job to buy my own clothes, if I could I would.
After my ad got home I walked over to my little sister Jamie’s bus stop and picked her up then came home and went to my psychologist. She might my sending me to a psychiatrist to see if I need medication. She’s not sure if I need it yet though. So let’s see how that works out.
After all that my dad and I got home and he made diner for all of us, nothing to exciting really. We had BBQ chicken, mashed potatoes, and broccoli, which I didn’t really ate I just stared at it. After diner Suzanne got Jamie ready for bed while I talked to some people online for a little while. I downloaded MSN last night, it’s a lot different from AOL so I’m trying to understand it but it may take a few days for my to really get the hang of it especially since I haven’t been able to concentrate on anything lately. Even with writing and reading I’m just making no sense with my words and the words I read don’t seem to click the way they used to. On top of that school isn’t coming as easily as it used to. I don’t understand it the way I used to, and on top of not understanding it I don’t agree with the teachers. They aren’t very nice to be because I’m not rich and I’m not beautiful like the other girls. *sighs* I might as well have to deal with it.
A little while later Suzanne and I went out to buy hair dye to do my hair. I wanted to get black dye and some bleach to highlight some sections. But Suzanne had other plans, she said we should just buy the black hair dye and then she would bleach my hair with this other stuff she had. I had my doubts but who was I to stop her? So when we got home she tried putting this body hair bleach kit mixture on a piece of my hair which didn’t even begin to affect the color. So her being miss genius poured real bleach in the mixture which caused a chemical reaction and almost made her faint. She started freaking out saying she thought she was dieing then she ran into my sister’s room and pulled her out of bed and ran across the street with her. My dad wasn’t sure what to do so he dialed 911 and we ran across the street as well. When the ambulance arrived they checked Suzanne out and she was fine then they went over to the house and checked to make sure it was safe to go back, which it was. After about a half hour of the doctor giving Suzanne a lesson in chemistry we went home and tired to relax. Suzanne was still shaken up a bit though so in an attempt to calm her down we went out for ice cream. She didn’t want any though so me and my dad got ice cream and my little sister got a doughnut.
I think I’m going to relax now and watch some TV. So I will talk to all you later. I doubt there will be anything to say tomorrow so wish me luck in my new school on Thursday. *gulp*
love.. Me as usual.. |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 26th, 2004|11:56 am] |
| [ | This Is How My Eyes Feel. |
| |  thirsty | ] |
| [ | Pretty Music |
| | Head Automatica | ] |
A picture I actually like of me!
Head Automatica
-The Razor <3 this is television, late night television, scripted with precision
a corner store pulp fiction sits where your heart isn't
and with your eyes so green, and your pinkish theme
you made an old friend seem rather dead to me
alas, the weapon sex can be
your body is a weapon and you're afraid it could get out
a friend of the devil and you're afraid it could get out
don't say i don't cut when i do, i do, i do
don't say i'm lying when i'm true, i'm true, i'm true
the razor
you rub of suspicious, so vile and aniscious, with a heart so vicious
and dare you ask what this is, this is so delicious
to eat the best of you like the others do
we take your pride from you
the drive-in, the embassy, the jets, it's all the same to me
your body is a weapon and you're afraid it could get out
a friend of the devil and you're afraid it could get out
don't say i don't cut when i do, i do, i do
don't say i'm lying when i'm true, i'm true, i'm true
the razor (the razor)
don't say we're healing when it's just not what we do
so many suitors, i don't even have a suit to wear
so many influential fingers running through your hair
i am the razor in the hands of your heart
and i am the razor in the hands of god
don't say i don't cut when i do, i do, i do (i do, i do)
don't say i'm lying when i'm true, i'm true, i'm true (i do,i do)
the razor (the razor)
don't say we're healing when it's just not what we do (the razor)
don't say we're healing when it's just not what we do (the razor)
don't say we're healing when it's just not what we do |
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|
| ..Just Realizing.. |
[Oct. 25th, 2004|11:22 pm] |
| [ | This Is How My Eyes Feel. |
| |  artistic | ] |
| [ | Pretty Music |
| | None | ] |
Now, to prove how tired I was when I made this. I spelled Apathetic wrong. -sighs- I guess I'll just leave it. No use in editing it, AGAIN!! Ok well yea.
I want to write something good, no wait I want to write something GREAT tonight. I want to write something that when its read it has the power to make people cry and fall to their knees in shock.
I'm off to do just that. |
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| Tired |
[Oct. 25th, 2004|12:32 pm] |
| [ | This Is How My Eyes Feel. |
| |  apathetic | ] |
| [ | Pretty Music |
| | Head Automatica | ] |
shall be my first entry.
I feel so tired, I'm sitting in my dads work with nothing to do. I wish I could just walk out and hopefully no one would notice. I'm staring out the window and watching as the cars pass by. Do you ever wonder whos in those cars and what they are thinking? I wonder what they look like and how they feel. I keep seeing different cars pass but they all seem to have the same motive, getting somewhere that holds no importance in my life. I wish it did. I wish I had something to look foward to rather then a few pointless concerts that only give me temporary joy. Lately I feel so lost, like I'm walking this earth without a purpose. Maybe I am, maybe I'm here for peoples enjoyment. Perhaps that is why I'm so unhappy, others have sucked all the joy from my life and spit it out in every direction to share with those who want nothing more then to take from me.
See this is what happens when I'm tired I begin to make no sence and I say things that hold no importance to any of you. I'm deeply sorry and hopefully my next entry will be better. -sighs-
-heart- |
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